my relationship with sleep has always caused problems. as a teen i would sleep for hours, lost in a world of spaceships, maidens and dragons. when asleep, i would surrender myself completely. a cat chased a pigeon in my room. i slept through. instead, i woke wondering why there was the footprint of feathers everywhere. once, when older, after a late night, i slept long and hard. i woke at 6 to the dark. i cursed waking so early only to discover it was evening and had slept the day. now, sleep and i have an on/off relationship. sometimes she is hard to grasp. just out of reach. an elusive thought. i toss and turn and despair as mind races through a million moments. a million reasons to lay awake. as one is dealt with, another appears. an unending cycle. an infinity loop. other times. i stay up late. too awake to sleep yet. too engaged in something to want to succumb. time matters not. i am in the now. i fight against sleep until it pulls the shutters and i fall. i awake confused on the sofa.