POEM: Pants

New pants are on the scene
Have you ever seen something so supreme?
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday’s best
With a label upon its crest
A symbol of the snuggly feel
That you get from a Sunday meal
Everything in its right place
Puts a smile upon your face
Jump to the left
Hop to the right
With these pants
I’m full of might
I can do anything
In red pants of glory

I got thinking of the time when I was young and we got new clothes. The excitement, particularly of new pants. Bigger pants. They seemed to symbolise growing in age and becoming an older boy.



STORY: The Breakdown

The driver looked at Colin with a hopeful face.
‘Can you fix it?’
Colin looked down at the engine and scratched his head. There was a maze of pipes, wires, and tubes of liquid. This really wasn’t his area of expertise.
‘It’s just that it’s new and I borrowed it from dad. I can’t take it back broken,’ the driver pleaded.
‘I’m not sure I’m the right person.’
‘Pleassee. You just got to help.’
Colin felt pity for the young driver. He had been in that situation once. Maybe there was something he could do. It was a long shot.
‘Have you tried switching it off and on again?’
The driver perked up, leant over his dash, and flicked a switch. The engine died to a silence. Then he flicked the switch again. Lights came on. There was a gentle rumble as it sprung into life.
‘It worked! Oh thank you. I knew you were the person to ask.’
The driver hopped into his seat, wound up the window and gave cheerful wave.
Colin stood back by his IT van as the driver and machine flew into the sky.

Wishbone Billy on Audio!

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CLICK HERE: Wishbone Billy – audio book
Also avaible on Spotify SPOTIFYand itunes ITunes(Apple).

First three Chapters now available to listen to for free!

A non-stop, edge of your seat ride with Billy on his magical journey in search of new, better parents. Have your parents ever annoyed you? Have they ever done something you could never forgive? Well, Billy has annoying parents. In fact, he has the worse parents IN THE WORLD! They are lazy, selfish and cruel. His life is terrible. What can save him?

This audio book is full of eccentric, zany characters that will have you laughing out loud.

“It’s a brilliant, amazing and clever book.” – NIAMH, AGED 9

Check out this new episode!

POEM: the day the school was shut

shut school

the caretaker lost his broom
did a cartwheel
across the classroom
the day the school was shut

the school PA charged the computer
went on Dateline
looking for a suitor
the day the school was shut

the teachers began to sing
skipping around
in a great ring
the day the school was shut

the cook threw the potato smash
juggled the plates
watched them crash
the day the school was shut

the parents all began to scream
ran out the doors
looking for ice-cream
the day the school was shut

the school nurse poured out  lotion
skidded across the floor
causing a commotion
the day the school was shut

the Head Teacher stroked his wig
hopped on a table
and did a jig
the day the school was shut

This poem came about as I was inspired to do a poem about school’s shutting due to the Covid-19 lockdown. Then it snowed and I remembered the glorious snow days as a kid and the school getting shut and being able to play with friends in the snow.

POEM: My Sister Loves Worms

Girl with wormA

My sister loves worms
She loves how they wiggle
My sister loves worms
She loves how they jiggle
My sister loves worms
Wherever they are found
My sister loves worms
Under muddy ground
My sister loves worms
On her comfy bed
My sister loves worms
On her silky head
My sister loves worms
Sat on our telly
My sister loves worms
Squirming in her belly

POEM: Pingpongwibblybong

Pingpongwibblybong 
sat on Crankle’s knee

Pingpongwibblybong
sailed the sleshy sea

Pingpongwibblybong
climbed the Ya-ya tree

Pingpongwibblybong 
fought the criddle flea

Pingpongwibblybong
greatest hero that be! 

 

I love making up words. I love the sound that some of them can make. This poem was inspired by Spike Milligan’s poem “On The Ning Nang Nong.”

POEM: Counting to 20

counting to 20b copy

‘I can count to twenty,’ said Wilf

‘Go on then,’ said Mum

‘One, two, three,
Four, five, six,
Seven, eight,
Nine, ten,
Twelve, thirteen, fourteen,
Fifteen…fifteen, sixteen,
Seventeen, eighteen,
Nineteen, twenty.
Finished!’

‘What happened to eleven?’

‘I don’t like eleven.’

When my son was little, he loved maths and was always asking questions about numbers. It reminded me of the joy you have counting up when you first learn to do it. This poem is about that joy with some humour thrown in.

After The Launch

 

Well, well, well the brilliant book launch went ahead smoothly and there was a good gathering of parents, children and teachers to hear my little speech and then extracts from the book, Wishbone Billy. The nice people of Big Green Bookshop are stocking the book and sales have gone well with little left of the original stock.

If you can’ t get to the shop and want a copy, the book is available on Amazon for only £4.99 and has received some great reviews:

Fantastic read for primary aged and young teens. Well-paced Dahlesque adventures will keep the kids gripped.   Doug

Great read. We loved it.   Andre

A fantastic read for children. Both my kids loved it. We all particularly enjoyed the scene with the cow and the bedroom scene with Cuddles is hilarious. Where’s the next book?   JL

What’s it about?
Well, it’s a  non-stop, edge of your seat ride with Billy on his magical journey in search of new, better parents. Have your parents ever annoyed you? Have they ever done something you could never forgive? Well, Billy has annoying parents. In fact, he has the worse parents IN THE WORLD! They are lazy, selfish and cruel. His life is terrible. What can save him? One day, something magical happens: Billy gets a wishbone and wishes for new parents. But as everybody knows: you better be careful what you wish for. This book is full of eccentric, zany characters that will have you laughing out loud.

If you want to get a taste of the book, the first few chapters are on here.

 

POEM: Monkey Brains

Image: Dan Fowlks

My brother is a
little bit strange
For he’s got
monkey brains
He swings from the rafters
hangs from the stairs
He leaves his baked beans
ignores his lasagne
He just wants
squidgey bananas
Mother is cross
she is full of despair
As brother sits eating
nits from her hair
What can be done?
What must we do?
Perhaps we should send him
to London zoo.

This poem came about because I was thinking of those children with younger, mischievous brothers who are always hanging off banisters or climbing over furniture and the phrase ‘cheeky monkey.’

POEM: My DoG Ned

Image

My dog Ned
Has got no head
He has to talk
Using his bum instead
Brrrrp -Parrrp!

neddog2-001jotty

This short poem was came from a chat after listening to my daughter read. It was a Ruth Miskin text (notice, I don’t say story) called My Dog Ned. It was a joy to hear my daughter read but the book was something else (my opinions on such things have been said previously in a poem, Sownd et owt).
Anyway, I started to rhyme aloud a very silly poem about a dog called Ned for them.